Beyond the 3Rs

Mean Girls (and Boys)

April 1, 2012 in The Daily News, Uncategorized | 17 comments

One of the saddest and most difficult lessons we are learning at the local public school is the way that the other children treat one another. In Gabrielle’s class, which is 2nd grade, the girls are already catty in a way that surprised me for eight year olds. I know that girls can be vicious, but I thought that it started later than 2nd grade.

A common activity at lunch is for the girls to play Telephone. Remember Telephone? Where one person whispers a sentence to her neighbor and the sentence is passed around the table. The last person says it aloud and everyone giggles at the way the words have changed while traveling through the group. Well, this version of Telephone is very different. The statements being passed around are mean, cruel insults about others at the lunch table. “Devonte is dumb and stupid.” “Allie is a crybaby.” “Shaniqua is ugly and has weird shoes.”

Seriously. This is what the mean girls do at lunch.

My daughter, who tends to be kindhearted and a peacemaker, refuses to pass it on. So, they skip her and lean around her to keep the game going.

Another example of this kind of verbal bullying happened one day when the teacher stepped out of the room. As soon as she left, some of the girls started a ‘game’ where they named a student aloud and everyone in the class raised their hands if they were friends with the named student. This quickly identified the less popular kids. When one particular girl was named, Gabrielle was the only person who raised her hand and the other girls actually BOOED this child for having no friends. Talk about a quick way to destroy the already fragile self-esteem in these girls!

How do you explain to your 8 year old *why* other girls behave this way?! We have had many discussions about how wrong it is and what she can do about it. I bought her a book called Stand Up For Yourself and Your Friends, and she and I are reading through it together talking about ways to implement the ideas for diffusing bullying situations and helping the ones who are picked on to feel better. She drew a picture and made a card for one girl who is repeatedly targeted by the mean girls.

I am very proud of Gabrielle and the way she identifies this as horrible behavior on her own. It isn’t easy to be the child who won’t join in when other classmates are all banding together, but she is holding out.

Is it any wonder that our kids struggle with depression at earlier and earlier ages?

Revolving Door

March 3, 2012 in In My Life | Leave a comment

When I was in school, getting a new student in class was a *big* deal. It was the kind of experience you see in movies where the student arrives, accompanied by the principal, and when the classroom door opens, everything stops and everyone stares.

Since it is a weird time of year to start a new school, I was worried that the kiddos would struggle with finding their place in the class and in the school. I mean, everyone else in the classes have been there for 6 months or so and have established friendships and relationships with the teachers. And, my guys get to come in and figure out how they fit into those situations.

Well, times have definitely changed…at least at this particular school. On our first day of school, there were FIFTEEN other new students! And, the next day, there were FIVE more! In Gabrielle’s class, they lost a student on Monday and she arrived on Tuesday. She settled right into the empty desk before the seat had hardly had time to get cold.

I asked one of the ladies in the front office about this and she explained that their student body was very transient. We live right on the border between Tennessee and Georgia, which plays a part in the frequent turnover in students as people move back and forth across the state line as easily as most people move across town.

I’m not sure what else contributes to the revolving door at the school, but it has made the arrival of my kiddos completely a non-issue with the other students. They have been able to make friends and step right into the routines seamlessly.

So, overall, I believe that such instability in classrooms is a negative thing for a school, it has been a help in our transition to this different paradigm.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

February 27, 2012 in In My Life | 1 comment

We have never been early morning people. Ever. One of the perks of homeschooling is that you don’t *have* to be early morning people. As long as you get your work completed, what difference does it make if it starts at 8:00 or 10:00 or 1:00?

I have never thought it mattered at all. And, our schedule reflected that opinion. We woke up late and stayed up late. And it worked great in the mornings, but not so much at night.

We would begin bedtime routines at 9:00 or 9:30, but honestly, the kids had barely been up 12 hours at that point and they certainly weren’t ready for bed. So, bedtimes were not fun. Trying to put people to sleep who haven’t been up long enough to be tired is miserable for everyone. It usually involved yelling or fussing or general unhappiness. Which probably is one of the reasons I hated being in charge of bedtimes.

Now, though, our schedule is determined by the school system. Nick starts classes at 7:45 and the elementary begins at 8:15. We have to be out the door at 7:30 in the morning! What a change!!

Alarms begin going off at 6:00 for me and 6:45 for the kiddos. Lunches are made, uniforms are put on, backpacks are packed, and we run to the car. Fighting over the front seat still happens…every morning and afternoon…but it is usually fairly smooth if people get up at first call.

All this early morning stuff means that decent bedtimes are more important than ever. And, it means that 9:00 is actually too late for my guys to get into bed. I wouldn’t have thought that it would work, but we now start bedtime routines around 8:00 or 8:30 at the latest. Everyone is in bed as soon as they are pajama’d and their teeth are brushed.

Incredibly, things are completely quiet around here by 9:00. Even I am ready for bed by 9:30 most nights. Bedtimes no longer are a point of contention. Once the kiddos lay down, they are pretty much tuckered out and ready for sleep.

I am surprised at the benefits of this schedule. Dh and I can have some quiet time at night…if I can stay awake. And everyone is more agreeable about nighttime routines as well.

Weekends are more productive too because we aren’t sleeping in until 10:00 or 11:00. Everyone is up no later than 8:00 and we still feel like we got to sleep in!

We have decided that despite my initial impression that time of day isn’t significant in our homeschool, it probably would be better if we stuck to this schedule regardless of schooling choice.

Who would have thought that Ben Franklin was actually right all those years ago

The End of my Homeschooling Rope

February 26, 2012 in Abundant Rain Academy, In My Life, Keeping It Real | 2 comments

Last summer I declared that we had had our worst homeschooling year ever.

Want a tip? Don’t ever say that.

This year, we started early, in June, to make up for some lost time while I was traveling last spring. And, it was pretty good. We enjoyed being back in a routine and everything was going okay.

Then we took a vacation in August and had a very hard time getting back into a smooth groove when we returned. I hate breaks in the usual schedule, even when they are to go to the beach. Well, I hate them in some ways. The beach is never all bad

So, we limped along and then realized that we would be moving, yet again, in January. So, December was a blur of packing and preparing to leave our rental which was one hour away from the new house.

All the while, schooling CJ had gotten more and more difficult. He has some significant learning delays and we have worked with a tutor but have seen less improvement than he would have liked. Mostly due to his resistance to working with me and his aversion to failure. He would rather not try than to try and fail. Much like most of us.

We had reached the point where he was stalled out. And I was burned out.

Then we moved and reestablished our lovely school room and worked to get back into the routine we were sorely missing.

But, the disruption that came from fighting about schoolwork spilled out all over everyone else, and put a quick end to many, many school days. No one can be productive when there is that much tension and arguing around them.

School was not fun. It was barely tolerable. And seeing one child not having to do the work that the others were having to do created resentment and some additional rebellion regarding daily assignments among my typically compliant children.

I could no longer discern what was an academic difficulty or a behavioral issue in CJ. I don’t want to push him to work in an area where he can not find success. That leads to frustration. I also don’t want to allow bad behavior to continue if it is rather a disrespect or defiance issue. The sorting it out it exhausting. And I finally realized it is something I cannot do without some outside assistance.

I began researching my options for testing and found that cost was going to be a huge factor in what we could do. And, I truly hate that cost has to have any factor in what resources I can provide for my kiddos. But there is no way around that.

And, CJ was convinced that I am the problem. In his mind, sending him to public school was the answer and would solve all the problems he was having with reading and writing. I was holding him back and making things harder than they should be.

So, having run out of ideas, I went online and dug into the information about our local public schools. The schools do not have good ratings or reviews, but they can provide the testing that I so desperately need for CJ. Forms were printed and filled out. Uniforms were purchased. And we went to the school.

CJ already feels llike the odd man out in our home, so rather than exacerbating that and having him feel that we were essentially kicking him out of our homeschool, I allowed the other kiddos to choose if they too would like to go to public school. Harrison immediately jumped at the chance and after touring the school, which is only two years old and very pretty, Gabrielle threw her hat in the ring as well. By the end of the first week, Nick was at the middle school after another tour and lengthy meeting with the guidance counselor there.

Max and I are at home. And it is weird. Not necessarily bad, but weird.

We are seeing the good and bad parts of the school system. We are learning LOTS about our kids, other kids, public school bureaucracy, bullying, zero tolerance, school nutrition, time management in a classroom, and all kind of other lessons we did not expect. We are navigating some very complicated waters with regard to exceptional education services in the public school.

And, I am still tired. Possibly even more so right now.

But, a load has been lifted from my mind for a time. Granted, it has been replaced with different concerns. But, I am looking at this time as a much needed break and time to recharge my batteries. My knot at the end of my homeschooling rope had become frayed and broken. I need a new rope. It should be delivered in the next 3-4 months.

Laryngitis

February 24, 2012 in In my Head | Leave a comment

I have laryngitis today. And, as I was being relatively quiet, I began thinking about my written laryngitis. I have been relatively quiet here in my slice of the internet for a while now. Compared to my writing in 2007-2010, I am practically mute. And, while I have been telling myself that the season for blogging passed and is no longer a part of my life, in reality, I believe that I simply lost my voice.

You see, I used to think that I had a decent handle on running my home, raising my kids, homeschooling, being a wife, and all the other things in which I am involved. Nothing was perfect, mind you, but I had confidence that I was at least on the right track.

And, then, I lost my confidence.

Our finances were a shambles, we lost our home, we moved three times in three years, parenting became difficult, homeschooling became difficult, keeping my head above water became difficult, faith became difficult and often absent.

And, I had nothing to share with anyone. I distanced myself from people IRL. I stopped writing here. Because, who really wants to hear how difficult things are? No one googles looking for musings on bad days. People want to know how to get *out* of the doldrums, how to turn things around, how to find success.

Plus, if anyone really knew how frayed my rope was getting, I wouldn’t be the supermom who has it all together. I would just be a tired, frustrated, depressed woman who had too many children and not enough energy.

That is what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t want other people to have that same image of me. I wanted to preserve the little bit of credibility that I had.

But a few weeks ago, we made a huge, major, unexpected decision.

We put the kids in public school.

I will get into the hows and whys at a later date, but suffice it to say that this has been the biggest change in our lives ever. Bigger than a new house. Bigger than dh getting a new job. It is a different world.

In this transition, I have lost a part of my identity.

And I am starting to see that my written laryngitis is bad for me. It keeps me from processing everything that I am experiencing. It keeps me from remembering both the good and the bad. And, it keeps the facade of superpowers going when we don’t share our struggles with one another.

I want to be an encourager. I want to reflect Christ. Well, first I want to find Christ in the midst of all this. Then I want to reflect him. In order to do that, I guess I have to work through the good and bad and ugly. And for me, writing helps work through it.

So, if you are looking for encouragement, I might not be the place to go. Then again, if you want to know that you aren’t the only one drowning in life, I may indeed give you a boost. Either way, I hope you’ll enjoy this journey with me, wherever it may take us.

Wonderworks

September 23, 2011 in In My Life, Our Family Adventures | Leave a comment

This year, we have not had birthday parties for the kids, but we have allowed them to choose an activity for us all to do. CJ originally wanted us to go to the movies, but after looking further at his options, he decided to go to Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge for the day. It happened to be Homeschool Days there and we were able to get a great deal on admission fees (yay!)

The thing about Wonderworks is that we had a hard time figuring out exactly what it is. We explored the website and read the information we could find and decided that there was enough cool looking stuff that we would chance it.

And, even though we have spent the day there, we find it hard to describe to others when they ask what it was! It is kind of an indoor, virtual reality, hands-on, interactive museum and amusement park. Helpful, right? So, in lieu of a verbal explanation…here is our photo sampling of the excitement:

The outside of the building is upside down.

Harrison, me, and Gabrielle rock climbing

Virtual Basketball

Virtual Snowboarding

Charlie on the Ropes Course

Gabrielle in the Space Shuttle

Ready for his moon walk

Harrison on a bed of nails

Bubbles!!

Round and Round and Round

Laser Tag

It was probably the best birthday activity we have had! We will definitely go back again!!

Under the Surface

August 18, 2011 in In my Head, In My Life | 1 comment

Today I was kayaking in the ocean with dh. The waves were pretty big, for this area, and we were having a great time bobbing up and down and feeling the spray in our faces.

Being out on the ocean alone is a great opportunity to talk with no interruptions, aside from the occasional dolphin surfacing nearby, so we were taking advantage of the moment. Because we are both nerds, in our moment of private conversation, we were discussing what causes waves.

While tides are caused by the moon, waves are caused by wind blowing against the surface of the water. But even when the waves are rough, beneath the surface, everything is relatively calm. You can go under water and find relief from the tossing and turning of the surface.

Boy, what a metaphor.

Isn’t that the way we, as followers of Christ, are supposed to be?

The enemy works to ruffle you…to blow against the surface of your life. He wants to cause trouble and keep you worried that the boat just might capsize.

But, beneath the surface, we should have a deeper, abiding peacefulness. Christ can give us that ‘peace in the midst of the storm’. And while I typically hate those kinds of Christian-ese sayings, today I got a fresh perspective on just what that means in practical application.

Unexpected, unplanned, difficult circumstances are popping up in my life All. The. Time. And, honestly, it is really easy to let the junk overshadow the truth. And the truth is that the junk is temporary. It will pass. Eventually.

But what will stick around is the calm that pervades my inner soul when I stop. Just stop. And redirect my focus on Christ instead of circumstances.

Sitting astride that kayak today was just what I needed to remind me of what needs to be happening deep inside when the surface of my life is constantly being tossed from one direction to the next.

Beyond the 3rs?

August 14, 2011 in In my Head | Leave a comment

Today I have been thinking a lot about really going beyond the 3rs. I mean, if I look at the eternal significance of education, it is to teach my children to love Christ and to love others. That is the teaching that should be taking place every day in my home. More than addition, more than grammar, more than zoology.

But honestly, those other academic subjects always take precedence over the teachings of Christ. We do ‘Bible’ every day as our starting subject, but it isn’t practical activities that put Christ’s teachings into actions; it is Bible study and biblical knowledge. Not bad things by any means, but not the life changing actions that Jesus talked about.

What would our life looked like if I took a year, a semester, a month, and focused solely on living like Jesus. What if we walked out the teachings of Christ every day in a practical, powerful way? Loving those who are unlovable. Giving to those who have less than us. Sharing our money, things, time, lives with others.

Would we care that math pages weren’t getting finished? Would we worry that we weren’t diagramming sentences? Or would we be more fulfilled than we could ever be sitting around our table?

Would our big picture of the world and of our neighbors change if we stepped outside the expected and started to walk out the Bible? Isn’t that Beyond the 3rs? In a more real way than simply adding plenty of electives or different techniques to a traditional school model?

What is education for after all?

Turning 12!

July 23, 2011 in In My Life, Our Family Adventures | 2 comments

Yesterday Nicholas celebrated his 12th birthday! Twelve years old…seems hard to believe, but here it is. And, really, he looks every bit the part of a 12 year old.

On you birthday around here, you pretty much get to do whatever you want for the whole day. So, he started with a trip to the creek not far from our house. There was lots of splashing, climbing, swimming, and playing for everyone.

We then followed with lunch at Taco Bell and a trip to see Rio at the discount theatre in Chattanooga.

Then, after the movie, we headed to my parent’s house for a birthday dinner with the extended family. Great-grandparents and grandparents added much cash to the celebration day! Lasagna and Oreo Blizzard ice cream cake were on the menu for the night.

He was convinced that he was getting a bicycle from us as his big gift. Charlie even had his actual present wrapped and waiting for him in the garage when we got home from our day out. It was *not* a bike, however. And Nick ended the day receiving his own laptop

This tired mother went on to bed leaving the older boys and dad watching a movie, playing on the computer, and resting in the aftermath of a day well spent!

Changing Me

July 5, 2011 in In my Head, In My Life | 2 comments

As part of my preparation for the upcoming school year, I am setting academic goals for each of the kiddos and for the family as a whole. In the midst of all this goal setting, I am trying to be more introspective. And, to that end, I have decided that there need to be some personal goals on the table for me as well.

It is no secret that I have been butting heads with my older kiddos. Continually. And it is frustrating for us all.

So, instead of arguing, fighting, yelling, and generally expecting them to tow the line more carefully, I am going to focus on changing me.

After all, isn’t that the most difficult part?!

There are tons, I mean, TONS of areas where I need improvement! And most certainly, I need to change what comes out of my mouth. To that end, with the help of my ever-patient dh, I have created four beginning goals.

#1 Do not react. EVER.

This one comes from a cd set from Kirk Martin at Celebrate Calm. It is called Stop Defiance and Disrespect Now! Dh has been able to listen to it while on the road, but I haven’t gotten the opportunity yet.

#2 Stop criticizing.

It has gotten to the point where I criticize far more than compliment. I am going to try…really, really try…and keep it to myself if it isn’t encouraging.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 says, May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. (emphasis mine)

I love my kids and I work to extend grace toward them. I should also be quick to encourage. ETERNALLY if I am trying to emulate the love of God.

#3 No more sarcasm.

If sarcasm were a talent, I would win the show. Sarcasm comes quickly and effortlessly to me. While it is certainly a hallmark of my sense of humor, it is proving to be a detriment indeed to my relationship with the kids. Plus, they are developing their own sarcastic tongues at an early age. Unquestionably because they have been exposed to my own quick responses to them.

While sarcasm can be funny and appropriate in some situations, I need to curb it for now with my kids. Sincerity needs to be my hallmark, not sarcasm.

#4 Focus on Successes

Instead of picking apart things that need to be improved, I need to focus on good things. Every success should be rewarded. I like for my own accomplishments to be noticed; how much more is that true for my kiddos.

As with most positive life changes, I am sure this one will be a two steps forward one step back thing. But, really, it has to be done. No one else has the power to change me for good or bad. It is all up to me, with the Lord’s strength. So, here we go.